Hanging on for Hope
by ceejai
Summary: If it wasn't for the hope he still held on to, it'd be easy for him to just go forward and close on her. One shot.


Disclaimer: I don't own any of these characters for they all belong to Josh Schwartz.

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"You gotta close on Jane before the summer's over."

"'Close on Jane'? Luke, I think you're confusing girls with pieces of property again. Besides, these things take time. There's a whole woo'ing period and I haven't perfected my game plan on that one just yet."

"Whatever, man. I'm just saying there's not a lot of time left."

"It's cool, dude. I've got all the time in the world."

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Recalling his conversation with Luke earlier that day, Seth wondered if his friend could see right through him. It's true about what he said about a game plan. He still had that one to think thoroughly about. One would think with all his luck this past year, getting to know another girl would be easy.

And it should be easy, especially with a girl like Jane. Something about her set her apart from all the girls he grew up with in Newport. She was fun, easy-going, open-minded. And she definitely was not fake, or into looks, or overly-obsessed with fashion. She was real, which was probably what made him really notice her in the first place, well besides the fact that she was one of the first girls he met in Portland.

At first, he thought maybe he was into her because she kind of reminded him of Anna, in the way that Jane knows how to sail and how she links her arm with his when they talk, like Anna always did. But as he's gotten to know her more, spending time with her during and outside of work, he realized that she wasn't really like Anna at all. He concluded that that was a good thing. Considering his relationship with Anna was like dating the female version of himself, if he and Jane decided to give it a go it wouldn't be like dating his sister or cousin, or someone blood-related.

So, yeah, getting involved with Jane should be so simple.

Except that it wasn't.

Because you can't start a relationship with anyone new if your thoughts keep drifting back to someone else.

_Do you, ever miss her? _

_Do you feel the cold wind whisper?_

_Is there anything more deafening?_

Summer.

While Jane and Anna did share some similarities, Summer was totally different from both of them. Back in the old love triangle days, the only thing Anna and Summer ever had in common, besides some weird Golden Girls obsession he never could understand, was that they both liked him.

Summer wasn't into boats, or sailing for that matter. She hated linking arms with him, "Ew! It feels like I'm walking in with my father or like my grandpa or something." In fact, she didn't even touch him in public at all, until that day on the coffee counter. Before that it was just a whole bunch of groping in empty pool houses, classrooms and even a janitor's closet, once. But when they did finally get together for real, she was more content with holding his hand or putting her arm around his waist. And he loved that she did that, because it meant more to him than just linking arms with someone.

_Your time is not your time tonight._

_Her smile will make you weak, and proud._

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"I love your hands, Cohen. They're so soft," Summer told him.

"Well, thaaanks Summer," he replied, disentangling his hands from hers and sitting up. "Remind me to go soak them in battery acid when I get home. I'll make these puppies feel rougher and tougher, like a man's hands should feel."

"Relax Cohen. I wasn't, like, saying they were girly," she retorted, grabbing back his hands, "I was just commenting on how I like holding them."

"Oh," he said, settling back comfortably on her bed. "In that case, hold away."

"Don't mind if I do."

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_Is the pain enough to choke, the life out._

Seth smiled sadly, remembering that time and other countless times they had together up in her room just holding each other. He couldn't help it. He didn't just long for the physical contact but for the conversations they shared as well. And it kept getting harder to pretend that he didn't miss her. This whole summer was just an endless battle with himself trying to deny that fact.

It's for the best, he always argued with himself when thoughts of her threatened to drown his head. It was for the best because he _hated_ Newport and Summer _is_ Newport. Or she was, before he came along. And maybe it's better that she go back to the way things used to be, because then maybe no one would get hurt in the long run.

Besides she didn't understand that this wasn't about her. If she cared, and if his parents cared they'd understand that he needed Portland. He didn't need Newport or for things to go back to the way they were before last year.

_There's a tension when we speak._

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"You're unbelievable, you know that Seth? Unbelievable!" she exclaimed.

"Summer, I.."

"All you think about is yourself," she continued, cutting him off.

"That's not true!" he replied, almost yelling into the phone.

"Oh, it's not? Did you even, like, think for just one minute how your leaving would affect me? Your parents? Ryan?"

"Ryan? Did Ryan even think about _me_ when he left?"

"His leaving didn't have anything to do with you," she snapped. "He.."

"And my leaving didn't have anything to do with him," Seth replied, feeling as if he had explained this to everyone a million times already. "I just had to.."

"If it wasn't about him, then what was it about?" she asked quietly.

"I.."

"Was it about me?"

"Summer, no…"

"What was it, Cohen? Why wasn't I good enough for you to stay?" she went on, her voice quivering.

"Summer, don't…It doesn't…" Seth paused. With all his ability to ramble, he couldn't find the words to explain it all to her..

After what seemed like an eternity to him, she finally spoke.

"You know what? I can't. I just, like, can't do this anymore with you. Throughout this whole relationship you always made me feel like I wasn't good enough."

Gripping the phone tighter, he replied, "What? I never…"

"No," she said, interrupting him. "It wasn't like all the time. It was just things like you choosing Anna first, or not wanting me to meet your grandma…not staying here with me. I was never enough."

"_Please_, Summer. You have to understand…"

"No, Seth. I get it. Just…just please don't call me anymore."

"No, Summer wait…"

"I won't answer. I won't listen to messages. I'll tell Daddy I don't want to speak to you. Just leave me alone."

"Wait, Summer please" he replied frantically. "This is not what I wanted!"

"Goodbye, Seth."

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_The income's overrated but it's worth it when we meet_

_On common ground.___

The big "4th of July Blow Out" as Luke likes to call it. And she had been true to her word. She cut off all contact with him, before he could even explain to her what his leaving was really about.

He tried to feel angry at her for not letting him tell her what it was really about, but deep down he was relieved, because really, he was afraid that she wouldn't just understand his logic, but that she would, in fact, agree with it.

She wasn't the problem. He didn't leave because of her, he left because before Ryan came along, Newport was this scary, unwelcoming place. And even though he admired her from a distance and loved her for so long, Summer was a part of that terrifying place. Still, even when she had proven herself to be above it all, to be better than what Newport branded her as, he remained afraid. He was afraid that without Ryan, his luck would disappear and she'd see through him. And then it would go back to what it was like before, when she didn't see him at all.

It was for the best because he lived in Portland now and Summer lived in Newport. It was time for both of them to move on and meet new people. Besides, Seth liked Jane. He enjoyed her company and he always had a good time when they hung out. So Summer was right to cut him out of her life, because then the both of them could get on with their lives and just forget what went on with the both of them.

It wasn't quantum physics. It was a simple solution for him to go along with. It would be a perfect game plan to follow, he thought, as he listed the things he had to do in his head.

There were just a few things wrong with that logic.

He couldn't forget her, no matter how hard he tried.

He couldn't stop missing her, even if he spent every minute of every day keeping busy.

He couldn't replace her with Jane or anybody else, they wouldn't be _her_.

He couldn't move on and form a relationship with anyone, because he knew that what he had had with Summer was perfect, and there wasn't anything that could top that.

He couldn't fall out of love with her, because no matter how hard he tried he couldn't get up.

And he couldn't stop hoping that one day, she'd understand.

"Way to go, Cohen," he whispered softly to himself..

Some game plan…

_Are you hanging on for hope?_

_It's all you got, it's all you got._

_I miss you more than you could know_

_When I'm gone.___

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Yeah, ok, so I'm not a writer. Hahaha, at least I can admit it. However, I still needed to get this out or it would've eaten me alive. The song I used is by The New Amsterdams, Hanging on for Hope. So yeah, review if you want to and thanks for reading!


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